4 Reasons Ohio Blows

I just now realized that I actually had someone write in and offer a topic a few weeks back and I hadn’t yet addressed it.  My apologies to Larry B. from Ohio for taking so long to answer his query.

Well, Larry, you asked me what my opinion was of Ohio… And I am afraid this entry will be a tad anticlimactic.  The title says it all.  Now, I know you think Ohio is the greatest place on Earth — and maybe for you it is.

But this isn’t ‘4 Reasons… By Larry B.’ it’s my blog and you wanted my opinion… So here goes.

1.  Cleveland

Cleveland may be one of the saddest places on the planet.  It’s bleak, dreary, bitter cold in August and seemingly designed by men who were fans of the shoebox.  It’s not surprising that the (former) people of Cleveland are abandoning the place like rats on a sinking ship.  It’s a pit.

2.  The Cuisine

I’ve never had a good meal in Ohio that didn’t come with fries.  And I hate fast food.  So that is to say that unless you’re at a McDonald’s or Wendy’s or JITB, you’re outta luck.  The state beverage is canned and processed tomato juice.  Need I say more?  If so, look no further than the watery gruel called Skyline chili they ladle onto overcooked pasta and call it a meal.  Turkish prisoners eat better.

3.  The Ohio State University

Okay, Larry, TOSU is a fine institution.  Kudos to you for being employed there.  But let’s talk about the arrogance, belligerence and total ignorance of the school’s “leaders” like E. Gordon Gee and to a lesser extent Gene Smith.  Not only did they have full awareness that the football program was cheating, but they broomed it under the rug just so they could win a football game — the Sugar Bowl versus Arkansas (from the hated SEC).  With the cooperation of Jim Delaney, they proclaimed their program ‘clean’.  What a joke.  I guess the denizens of Ohio don’t mind… Who else are they going to root for — The Akron Zips?

4.  Booger said it best…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR-D9oSMLBw

So there you have it Larry B.  I hope I didn’t burn any bridges with you.  If so, I will be glad to offer you safe passage to Michigan, California or Texas… Or any of the other 49 states people from Ohio are fleeing too.

But then again you live in the greatest place on Earth.  Best of luck.